Published on May 26th, 2016 | by IceCube

Top 10 Priority Video Game Sequels

There’s too many sh*t games getting sequels. In fact, it seems like the sh*tter the game, the more sequels it gets. Devs are BEATING DEAD HORSES, people.

Meanwhile, there’s too many f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c games, WORTHY of sequels, that are just lost in the Dr Who funnel of time.

So forget the vomit-inducing games you can expect to see for the gazillionth time at E3 this year, and soak in this formal petition of mine. These last-gen (Xbox 360/PS3) games DESERVE sequels. We NEED them. Whether you can see it now or not, you will understand when it is done.

NOTE: I didn’t include awesome sequels that have been confirmed, such as no-brainer choices like The Last of Us 2, Borderlands 3 and Red Dead Redemption 2. I didn’t even include predictable sequels that are likely to be announced at some point.

This list is for the forgotten but worthy.

10. Dragon’s Crown 2

There’s two things I love in this world: art and boobs. Put them together, and you have a professional excuse to be a pervert. As I found with this awesome platform RPG, I could get the best of both worlds, but it offers SO MUCH MORE, in stunningly simple fashion. What more, you ask? Well I’m not really sure – I was kinda distracted by the Sorceress’ heaving hooters – but I’m fairly certain I had a great gaming experience or something. Bring on a sequel.


9. Blades of Time 2

Fortunately, Konami spat out this little secret beauty of a game before they spontaneously combusted from stupidity, with moves like pissing off Hideo Kojima (Metal Gear Solid) and turning the company into some irrelevant mobile game manufacturer. No idea. This game didn’t review well because it lacked some tech polish, but… that didn’t bother me. I loved playing along with the story and toying with the unique time-manipulation combat, which leads to multiple me’s sword-slashing at my foes. Now I want more in a sequel, with polished gameplay and graphics. Until then, I’m officially hailing this as the last good thing Konami ever did.


8. Alan Wake 2

Yeah, yeah, yeah, developers, so you did some Quantum Break thingy which feels like some 80’s TV show nobody cares about. Meanwhile, you’re sitting on the rights to Alan Wake 2 – a guaranteed goldmine investment! Okay, maybe not guaranteed – but if the world was full of smart people, which it is certainly not (hahahah, sigh, *wipes tear*) – it would be guaranteed, because they would all play it and enjoy pissing their pants to the well produced horrors that await within.


7. BioShock: Infinite 2

You can’t leave us on BioShock: Infinite. You just can’t. It was the highlight of the trilogy, one that was powerful enough to convert me into a fan. Leaving us on a high note like that is an ultimate *mic drop* by the dev team, Irrational Games. Unfortunately, no sequel is a likely reality, as Irrational Games, abruptly shut down in 2013. The developer name fit the action. They should have called themselves Awesome Sequel Games instead.


6. Alice: Madness Returns 2

I freakin’ miss games like this! You know, downright solid, attention-to-detail adventure games. Not necessarily overfluffed with openworldiness, but full of heart, guts and imagination. Disturbed Alice turns wonderland into a dark place, full of awesome, memorable moments. Bring back the art. Bring back the integrity. Bring back ALICE!


5. Spec Ops: The Line 2

This is like, the best goddamn shooter you lazy mo’ fo’s never played. If you don’t agree with me you are wrong (because you never played it). This gritty, third person cover based shooter was the balls. Good balls. Great balls. It could use a sequel, but only if it’s produced but the genius’ who made the original, super underrated shooter. Stop playing COD crap on repeat and get stuck into better games, like this.


4. Hunted: The Demon’s Forge 2

The year this game was revealed at E3, it’s all I cared about. Ask the PR people from Bethesda – even they found me unusually obsessed with this action fantasy game that few others clamored for. Aside from the fact that it was seemingly released unfinished, I stand by my man crush with this co-op adventure with Mister human dude and Miss elf babe. A sequel – a finished, polished sequel – has the potential to be wicked. Maybe give us more characters, expand on it like Gears of War did to their franchise.


3. Bullet Witch 2

An early addition to the Xbox 360 console, there’s few characters I dote on more than this gothic badass named Alecia. I love this digital chick so much that if I ever met her in real life, I’d awkwardly stare at her from the far corner of the room, trying to summon the courage to chat to her, procrastinate too long, and watch her walk away calling me a freak. That’s about as good as I get at this dating sh*t, so now you know how much I love her. My personal weirdness aside, the radness of this game would be fully-sick with a modern graphic overhaul. Gimme gimme gimme.


2. Dragon’s Dogma 2

Capcom, what in fecks name are you doing? No, really, what are you doing? This super-unique fantasy action RPG was more absorbing than some kind of super-suction sponge. Playing it gave me those kind of creepy-cool tingly feelings you get when you play Dark Souls (bless you, twisted minds of Japanese game developers, you make things awesome). But it also introduced so many new gameplay concepts into our copycat gaming industry. Godammit Capcom, I don’t care if you go bankrupt, just empty the account making this sequel for us now, hm’kay?


1. Clive Barker’s Jericho 2

The thought of this amazing game, continued from the brilliant mind of Clive Barker, brought to life with improved visuals, makes me prematurely ejaculate something heavy. The concept, characters and atmosphere is a candle in the darkness begging to be rekindled, promising fist-pumping awesomeness. Just market the damn thing better this time. That box art looked like something I finger-painted in kindergarten.


There is no changing or disagreeing with this list. It is official and represents the voice of everyone in the entire world. However, if you’d like to make preposterous suggestions for silly alternatives that could make this list in an upside-down universe where everyone laughs at you, feel free to let us know in the comments below!

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