Published on June 17th, 2017 | by IceCube
E3 2017: Sony PlayStation Showcase Review
Uncharted: The Lost Legacy
Of course it looks good. It’s by Naughty Dog. Of course it’s gonna be amazing. It’s by Naughty Dog. Despite all this… STOP. THE. SEQUELS. NOW. F**king hell. I love this series, but I know you, Sony, are going to milk the shit out it until we all can’t stand it any more and all our fond memories of the game have curdled into a cesspool of hatred. LAST UNCHARTED GAME. PROMISE???
This game is clearly of high quality, following the same mold of Naughty Dog’s Uncharted and The Last of Us (as many Sony games are lately). There’s something missing with this game though, like it lacks an identity, and fails to connect with you. With the technology at hand, you’d think they’d try to separate themselves with a unique game environment rather than attempt to hold hands as Naughty Dog’s lesser sidekick. Sure there are differences, but it feels like you’re running through the motions. I should really want to play this game, so why don’t I?
Monster Hunter World
Hmmmnnn yyyeah… it just seems like a waste hearing that Capcom have been wasting their time on this silly, overrated title. Unless it changes a lot, I’m unlikely to dig it. The gameplay demo looked the same old snooze with better graphics. Would have much rather seen a proper Dragon’s Dogma sequel than more of this shit stain. I don’t understand why SO MANY bad and average games get sequels.
Marvel vs. Capcom Infinite
If only you could see the pain on my face as I just try to find a positive thing to say… This is yet another sequel to a game I’ve never cared for. There’s something silly about merging Marvel characters with Capcom characters. It’s not right. And why would they fight each other? But these are old comments and questions from an older time when this game was semi-relevant in the arcade age. Today, I’m just so frustrated that they can even choose the right games to remake – let alone sequel endlessly. I’m disinterested from the first title screen.
Call of Duty: WWII
This is biggest surprise of the show. Not because Call of Duty series finally made a return to WWII after getting it repeatedly wrong. It’s because the trailer played without some hyped-up intro from one of the developers, nor a forewarning introduction. Just a trailer. It doesn’t look terrible, but it’s still Call of Duty – a series that Activision has forced down our throats unwillingly for years. We will never see what Activision can can achieve so long as they keep clinging on to this long-dead shell of a series. Let it go. All of you.
The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim VR
Bethesda seems to be moving all their old titles to VR. Does this even interest VR players? I guess Sony is pulling all strings to make sure the VR doesn’t have the same fate as their other gimmick projects (ie; PSMove, 3D gaming, PSP Go, etc…). Skyrim was great but I’m getting sick of seeing it everywhere.
Another VR game, this one looks like a first-person survival horror inside a haunted psychiatric ward. It looks like it could be a good one for real survival horror fans. Bound to be better (and scarier) than The Evil Within 2 anyway.
Final Fantasy XV – Monster of the Deep
Ha! What the f**k did I just watch?! If I’m not mistaken, it’s a VR game starring the Final Fantasy XV douchebags about first-person fishing. Yep, fishing. Let’s not forget it was fishing to (what sounded like) Power Rangers action music. At least I got a laugh out of this show.
Not a VR game that’s aimed at my interests, but I like the look of it. It looks like you need to guide a little warrior mouse on an adventure with obstacles and pint-sized foes (who are large in comparison to you). It’s quaint.
God of War
Bahhhh ha ha ha ha ha haaaa! F**king hell. Comedy gold. I have no evidence, but I swear this to you now: I am certain this game was originally a new IP, when some dick in big Sony chair said: “I’ve never heard of your game. Let’s paint the main guy white with red stripes and call it God of War”. God of War?! More like Daddy of War… Kratos has gone from slaying giants, ripping the heads off titans and having epic threesomes with babes, to an emotional journey about a desperate father and his child. Get the f**k out Sony. F**k you and your f**king sequels. AGAIN, I will say this: If this was a new IP (nothing to do with God of War), I would buy it. But it’s a stale sequel to a dead series way beyond its expiry date, so now, I will NOT buy it.
Detroit: Become Human
Thank f**k, something semi-decent on the horizon for Sony. Sure, we saw the first announcement last E3 (2016), but I’m clutching at straws here. Detroit: Become Human looks good. It’s unique and it’s original and choice plays a big part of the direction and narrative. Made by the crew who did Beyond: Two Souls and Heavy Rain, this entirely new game looks to have really upped the ante with the causes and effects of your choices. If you get more control of your character than you had in previous games, it could be fantastic.
Oh yay. The worlds most overrated developer of all time, Bungie, reveals more of their overmarketed title, to show how clearly crap their games remain, despite having bigger budgets than anyone else to make it good. Destiny and Destiny 2 is a game for 12-year-old boys. If you are older than that, you should not play this game. Bungie sucks. They got rich for having the only shooter on the original Xbox for years: Halo – a game that is only popular because everyone got a free copy of it when they bought an Xbox. From that day forth they’ve been granted all the financial support in the world to make an endless series of shit games while pissing on you all, and you drink it all up. Can’t you taste the piss you drink?
Fair enough, it looks good. I’m not a big Spider-Man fan, but I’d probably play this. It’s bright, colourful, engaging and reminiscent of my favourite spidey game to date: The Amazing Spider-Man on Xbox 360. The combat steals a lot (well… everything) from the Batman Arkham series, but that’s okay – it’s a good template to follow. What’s disappointing is that never in a million years should a movie franchise game ever ‘headline’ a show – particularly a first-party publisher show. I mean, Activision used to blow these games out of their arseholes on a near-annual basis and it was always a nice ‘filler’ game, but never a main event. I can’t believe this wraps things up. What a dud of a show.
Top 3 Positives
– Detroit: Become Human is looking fairly promising
– VR got a reasonable number of games
– Spider-Man looked good.
Top 3 Negatives
– The entire show was lazy. Some fat dude stumbled through some words in front of a blue curtain twice – otherwise Sony just pressed ‘play’ on a video and disappeared all night.
– There was almost nothing new. What was new, stunk.
– Too many f**king horrible games nobody wants are getting sequels.
This was, without doubt, the worst E3 show I’ve ever seen Sony PlayStation do. It was lazy, lacked anything new, lacked any excitement, and full of disappointing trailers. I question whether there was any point in having a show at all. If you insist on releasing sequels nobody wants, your shows are gonna bum everyone out.